The C Word

My mum has cancer.

We learned this yesterday for sure.

Now mum is 75 and I would normally be the first one to say something like “Well they’ve had a long life or you’ve got to die of something” but I think I’m going to learn the hard way that age is irrelevant when you’re going to miss someone you love most.

I’m well aware this sounds like she has already been defeated by cancer and we are giving up. We are not.

Unfortunately however, there are two tumours in her brain. It has travelled from the colon, to the liver then to the brain. The most bizarre thing being she only just got a symptom (loss of use of her right hand) last week. These masses have been living in her body for god knows how long and she hasn’t felt off for one day of it.

So now mum will face treatment options – if any and the long path trodden by so many, too many people, young, old and in between.

My mum was made for having children. She was the mum who used to wake us up as babies to play with us. She also could not have children of her own so my brother and I were adopted at birth.

I’m sure people wonder if you share the same bond when you don’t share the same blood. I would say yes. Parenting is about love, not the egg and seed.

I hold absolutely no malice for my birth mother. The 70's were a different time with different ideals. I’m grateful she gave birth to me. There was always the alternative.

So my brother and I were lucky enough to be adopted by Betty . And although her life saw an semi-abusive alcoholic husband and single parenthood, she always put us first. Through everything, she taught us respect and the value of all things right. (So much so my brother became a policeman after watching waaay too many Hunter episodes) We didn’t always like her strict ways but who likes anything their parents says when they are 18?

Then there are the grandchildren. My 3 children and my brothers daughter are Mum’s life. They have kept her young and given her a reason to laugh, cry and basically still feel alive.

She has played a massive part in their lives and has looked after all three of mine whilst I returned to work. It is an unrepayable debt.

It now breaks my heart that she will more than likely not get to see my 9yo daughter graduate, follow my 7yo’s path in life and live to see whether my 2yo just has the terrible 2’s or like we joke, he’ll be juvie by the time he’s 12.

We have told our children nothing. Sam, who I previously posted about who as aspergers saw Mum after her battery of tests and broke down and cried when she was leaving for no reason. “I’m going to miss you Grandma” and clung to her leg. 6th Sense? To say we all lost it is an understatement.

Dear Cancer,

I hope you a one day a mere history lesson we teach kids in school.