My husband is having an affair.
Her name is Bunnings Warehouse. She not only robs me of my time with my husband, she sucks our bank balance dry.
When marriage becomes legal to inanimate objects, I will prepare to say goodbye.
I’m sure I am not alone.
Doing my husbands tax this year, I entered in his receipts as per their dates. It appears he was there, oh 335 out of 365 days. Oh and if you needs some nuts or bolts, we are sure to be able to supply you with the goods as he gets some EVERY FUCKING TIME HE IS THERE.
Look even as a woman I see the allure of Bunnings. It has EVERYTHING. It’s a man’s idea of Heaven whilst the Myer Shoe department, his idea of hell.
I’m sure he wills the lightbulbs in our house to explode so he has a legitimate reason to trot off down the road to grab a replacement. And geez who doesn’t need 18 packets of concrete in the shed at any one particular time?
Bunnings is his crack and granted there are worse things he could be doing. Like having an actual affair for instance. Or doing actual crack.
13 comments:
Or even doing crack with his mistress in the Tool Section of Bunnings?
Sorry - can't help you there, we all love the place and jump into the car excitedly like we're on a trip to WallyWorld.
Bunnings = Awesome.
NDM - that would possibly be the final straw.
H&P - that was me three years ago. Now I just associate Bunnings = Moneypit.
I suspect that my mum is going to become a Bunnings widow when the Bunnings opens here in a year or so. Dad goes to Bunnings every time we're in the same place as one, even if he doesn't need anything in particular. Mum and I used to just hang at the cafe eating icecream when we were living in Melbourne, but the closest one to here DOESN'T HAVE A CAFE. So now we go and look at the paint, and try to convince dad to let us paint the house pretty colours. We never win.
I'd love to see the quality of the mistress and the crack that one could pick up at Bunnings...nasty.
I miss Bunnings. Just before we left Trinity Beach to move here, a big awesome Bunnings opened down the road (about 5 mins away). We saw it for a few weekends and then....we were gone. Love Bunnings. (The UAE haven't heard of proper hardware stores - yet!)
Get onto that shit Melody. Lucrative. Call it Munnings or something. ;)
I, and my wife, share your pain...it could be worse though, ie. home hardware..lol
I'll tell The Coach to keep an eye out for him next time he's off on a Bunnings spree....which will probably be within..oh, I don't know, the next twenty-four hours or so. *sigh*
I hope your hubby does not read your comments. He will be furious to know that my husband is sharing his lover. My husband goes to Bunnings for "time out" he tells me. He is happiest in the aisles of Bunnings staring lovingly at sockets and wrenches and shelves and nails.
He falls so desperately in love with everything that he sees that he must make them his own home. We have more nuts and bolts than you I am sure. We certainly have more than the Bunnings Super Store near our home.
The saddest part - my husband ia in finance. The closest thing he needs to a tool is a pen. Good think I feel the same way about Office Works that he feels about Bunnings
The second saddest thing is that I am in writing and I cannot write!! Sorry my comment is full of errors
There needs to be a #bunningswidows support group formed by the looks of things. We'll go on shoe shopping sprees and drink champagne on houseboats whilst eating copious amounts of cheeseballs (that's my fantasy anyway) ;)
SP, so funny about being behind a desk and still loving Bunnings.
Mat, We don't have a Home Hardware, thankfully by the sounds of things. I don't need him to acquire any more lovers ;)
AW - Perhaps they can start meeting and talking dowel together - seems to keep them happy? ;_
(Insert big ol' boisterous laugh)
I have a catch-all basket in every room for nuts, bolts, screws, wrenches, saws, screwdrivers and drills that fall out of pockets, are left on bookcases, and perched on the stairs on a DAILY basis.
The only thing worse would be a husband who has to call the over-priced, under-qualified handy man everytime something needs a-fixin.
Cheers.
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