A LITTLE BIT KLARSY

With each of my pregnancies I was hideously tired and continually nauseous and pretty much doling out mini spews, up until the 16^th week.

Then miraculously, it would just disappear and make way for my body to just go and get fire hazard fat.

And it was awful. The nauseous bit I mean. I could be anywhere, anytime and it would come upon me. And what’s with the “morning” sickness bullshit. It should just be renamed - all day, all night, just all the freaking time sick.

Once, when driving our very new car, I had to pull over mid drive and hurl into an abandoned lot. Abandoned but still very visible from the road. If only I’d had a few of these nifty and high class numbers: A Morning Chicness Bag. No I did not spell that wrong.

I could have co-ordinated my Labour of Love spew bag with those days I felt predominately romantic. Because we all know how we just can’t get enough of our partners during that morning sickness phase.

Or the bambooboo bag when I meditating with my guru and discovering the meaning of life. Hey, we all still need a micro spew even when being enlightened. Lucky for us, we have a model demonstrating the correct way to spew into these bags.

Let’s face it, all of these bags would have been appropriate for so many situations. How I managed to get through three pregnancies without a Morning Chicness bag saddens me. I feel jipped. Not only that, I need to reevaluate. Clearly I am not the klarsy mother I thought I was.