Friday, May 28, 2010


I literally drive around in a rubbish dump.

My car is my vessel.  No really.  It’s the tiny shuttle that takes me and my three children around the joint seven days of a week.

And it’s a pit.

I seem to get in said pit, at say, 8am in the morning, do 3 separate drop offs and then drop myself to work.  At about 2:30pm, I get back in and repeat that same process, in reverse.  When I return home, I get all three school bags out again, along with my handbag and other paraphernalia which has accumulated during the day and go back inside my house.  And that’s it.  Everything else I’ve taken in, everything the children have taken in to that car, have remained there. For oh, going on 6 months now.

And that my friends, is why I have a French fry blocking my air conditioning vent right now.

OK, I’m not going to make excuses, but excuse me while I do.

I work 4 days, I am studying.  I have three children. We are renovating the unrenovatable house.  I have a child with a disability. I have a child who is akin to a natural disaster on legs and I have a daughter on the precipice of premature womanhood.  Add to that a husband who also works a lot, a serious case of too much shit do to and you get the idea.

Blah blah blah. Who doesn’t have a heap of shit going on in their lives? No one. Ask anyone how they are. Their standard response?  "Yeah good thanks".  But generally, no one is really “good”.  There is always something we have the shits with. There is always something we are struggling with. There is always something we would really like to change.    There is always something we wish would happen to us. 


So all in all, I have no excuse as to why the following reside in my car right this minute:

Inside the car:

  •   What I’m fairly sure is a Jar Jar Binks Lego Mini Figurine
  •     Last Mondays Coffee mug.  I say mug and not travel cup because all hopes of using a travel mug have been abandoned after I’ve left them to fester one too many times in the cup holder.  So now I use a porcelain mug that is fraught with danger as I could spill coffee upon myself and the surrounds during a commute.  I wear a lot of black for this very reason.
  •     An award for “Being a Delight in music class” my daughter received at school, last November.
  •     At least 18 different types of items that could be used for writing.
  •     Eight Library books (more than likely that explains our temporary ban on loaning shit out)
  •     4 Chapsticks in various states of use.
  •     Four different shoes. None of which have mates. None of which fit my childrens feet anymore.
  •     7 Lego Men. None of which look like they anatomically belong together.
  •    5 KFC cricketing mini men.  If you have never had a KFC happy meal, this will make absolutely no sense, but we have 5 of these, in their original plastic and they are all fucking useless.
In the Glove box:
  •     Standard car records.  Give me SOME credit.
  •     A nappy.  My child hasn’t been in a nappy for oh, over 12 months now.
  •     A business card for a DJ.   I have no explanation for this.
  •     A stubby holder.
  •     A packet of BBQ sauce.  Again, no explanation.

In the Boot:   
  •     A bag with two hundred bucks worth of Tupperware.  This is my girlfriends whom I have met up with twice since it has resided in my car and twice I have forgotten to pass it on to her.  By rights though, she did avoid the actual party and therefore should suffer.
  •     A dodgy stroller. This contains the three year old on any shopping expedition.  Even though now, it has a wad of hair wrapped around its front left wheel and I can barely steer it anymore, I will not let this be tossed out as it is the only thing between me and shopping in relative peace and quiet anymore.

On the windscreen.

  •     A flyer for Brazilian waxing.  Has been there for 3 days now so far.  I especially notice this whilst honking down the highway at about 120 kms an hour and think to myself “Mmmm, must remove that when I stop”. 
  •     A whole heap of dirt that can’t be removed because I haven’t refilled the appropriate hole in the bonnet with water and detergent.

Ok, I think you get the picture, my car is a cesspit.  This of course was exacerbated by the fact that the other day when I lost a list of stuff my daughter needed for camp on my way from a friends front door to my car, she insisted on helping me search my car to find it, I was hideously embarrassed, I think it’s time to get my shit together.

Imagine if she had of found the spare pair of undies I keep in the glove box.  I’ll leave it to your discretion who you think these may be for.


Quixotic said...

Haha - sounds like my car, I keep finding weird random stuff that I have no memory of bringing into said car. The cat's collar (we have never had a cat) was a recent one...

Seraphim said...

I am in awe of your busy-ness. You car SHOULD look like a cesspit. I loaned my car to my in laws a couple of weeks ago and hastily vacuumed it before handing it over to them. Like you, my car is, well....
Anyway they returned it 3 days later washed and detailed inside and out.
I didn't kill myself or show my shame, but 3 weeks later, it's a cesspit again and I am comforted by its familiar state.

Lori @ RRSAHM said...

I am so glad I'm not the only one.

120 k's? Naughty, naughty...

sharpestpencil said...

My husband is constantly intrigued by the state of my car. My house is like an operating theatre (when it is not being renovated) but my car? My car looks like a tip on wheels, But there are certain advantages to this -

I never go hungry - there is always some food to be found
I can always find some make up to apply if I leave home without it
There is always hand cream should you need it
No passenger in my car will ever have to go without sunnies - there are enough pairs lying around
I never get bored at school pick up - there is plenty of reading matter

In Real Life said...

Oh my gosh, it sounds exactly like my van!

Fiona said...

You've made my day by writing this! I have only the one child, no paid work at present and essentially, I am the least busiest person I know.

Yet my car's a dump! I was mortified today when a friend (gleefully) insisted that we had to go somewhere in my car, not hers. And yes, she did mutter (more gleefully): "I just *KNOW* I'm going to find some undies in here somewhere...!"

Wanderlust said...

Ah, brilliant, is that where I left my undies!

Wombat Central said...

I hear ya. Just cleared a ton of crayons, Lego pieces and assorted food stuffs out of my car last weekend. I'm thinking of actually vacuuming it today. Gotta clean it before it goes into the shop for some work!

Lucy said...

I just fell in love with you even more. And with all the lovely commenters. SAMESAMESAME! xx

Bronnie Marquardt said...

OMG I wish you had posted this a year ago. I could have shown my ex-husband that I am not the only woman/mum/chauffeur to drive around in a vehicle that could be used as a home and/or rubbish dump. It may have saved my marriage!
My handbag is even scarier. At the checkout one day, I once pulled out a pair of Miss 7's undies which had somehow looped around my purse. ('Cos you never know when you might need a spare pair, or she has 'forgotten' to put any on). Another time I whipped out a pen to write a mobile phone message with, and it was Mr 9's fart pen - and of course just happened to let rip in the middle of Big W.

Thea said...

Yeah, I reckon my mum is the only person in the world who has a clean car ALL the time.
I vacuumed mine yesterday. Don't faint, I can't remember the last time I did it.
I was picking up my sister and possibly 2 others so I had to remove the child seats a long list (not unlike yours) of crap!
It's so nice having a clean long will it last? Not long enough. :(

So Now What? said...

Bronnie, that made me giggle. And Lori, 120, maybe I was exaggerating that for the telling, but sadly, some arvos in a mad rush to pick up the skids, I think I nearly hit that. :(

Thanks for the comments, makes me feel better than I'm not the only one living in my car.

Carol ( @carolduncan ) said...

OK. Bern - that actually makes me feel good about my car. Quite an achievement.

Kathy said...

You have no idea how reassuring I find this. My car would certainly disgorge undies (carrying several sets of spares for every child wearing them for some bizarre reason) plus a megatonne of miscellaneous clothing, paper, scraps, and inexplicable crap. Plus the pram with filthy wheels in the boot. Etcetera.

Tropical Mum said...

My car matches yours, but is not as humorous. What is humorous is that my six-year-old had the audacity to ask my friend, when she picked him up from school, whether she planned on cleaning her car anytime soon. I was mortified, considering her house, car and yard are immaculate.

Also, I need to have friends like yours who simply say "Yeah good thanks" when you ask them how they are. With some people I know, it is a competition to see who is the busiest and more stressed out. Makes it hard to have a good whinge.

Loved your post. I can so relate.

Kylie L said...

This is funny timing, because last night we got a new car (which my husband bought sight unseen off the net from a dealer in Darwin, but I suppose at least this time it wasn't a WHOLE HOUSE he bought off the net sight unseesn. Anyway.)
It is a big shiny 4WD bought with the intention of doing Kimberley trips- one of the main reasons we moved to Broome. We've never been 4WD owners (I have a much loved tiny Golf GTI at home) and always distrusted them, but I have to confess this one is kind of gorgeous in it's newness. Last night after the kids had oohed and ahhed over it he looked at me and said "I think we will have to hire a car for the Kimberley. There is no way I'm getting this one dirty."

livinglifeasme said...

I just told my Mike about this. His car is immaculate - my is a cesspit. I hate it when I have to drive anyone other than teenagers in my car. It is so embarrassing. I feel so much better reading this post and all the comments. Mums unite in the Car Cesspit Club.

Jodie at Mummy Mayhem said...

Yep - I get it. *puts hand up* Me too!

Lots of empty packets of food consumed in a hurry in between scheduled activities - some of them are mine.

I love it when I pull out the car seats and booster seats. It's amazing what you can find under those!

Talia said...

If it makes you feel any better, I have exactly the same problem, but no where near as many excuses!!!

Jaybirdoak said...

Oh my god, this is me too, everytime I get into the car I think i need to clean it but as soon as we get home I quickly get out and get inside to the million things I need to do in there.

Draft Queen said...

My trunk has this problem. I put things in- out of sight, out of mind- they never come out.

Nomie said...

Isn't this what cars are meant to look like? We live on a dirt road, the kids school is on a dirt road, there is a drought, I'm not waisting water... so that explains the outside. The inside? Or dear. A woollen blanket for for season... enough green shopping bags for a year... tampons, what size do you need? Got them all, at least 5 blistex jars... cassette tapes... in a car with only a CD player... monopoly money, that's been there for years... enough water bottles for a family of 4 at least 5 times over and half my daughters wardrobe... We used to clean it out of sheer embarrassment before a car service... but really, just can't be bothered now.

Nomie said...

for fire season even... really must learn to re read before posting.

Maxabella said...

I can so relate! Our car has so much grass and stuff from the bottom of shoes that it's a bushfire hazard. I dare not drive it on really hot days. I was bemoaning the grossness of our vehicle to a friend the other day and she said that her 'secret' was to 'treat the car as another room in the house and religiously clean it once a week'... what the?

Kristy said...

I have pennies stuck inside the air vents of my car! My 11 year old car!

Linda T said...

Last week my daughters friend hopped out of my car and accidently kicked something onto the road, it was a music cassette..... I haven't had a cassette player in a car for about 10 years....

Motorbikes_Lady said...

I'm the odd one out I love a clean car especially inside & out, My husband spends either 2 hours on a Saturday or Sunday cleaning our car.

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