I would have, on an average day, three, maybe four coffees in a 24 hour period. But I have two teaspoons of coffee at home when I make instant. So is that really eight?
Jesus, that eye twitch is starting to make sense.
And the thing is, I had not touched coffee until my first office job, aged 17. Not even a sip, but to curb both my boredom and appetite, I got stuck into the coffee. Plus, I had to make it for my geriatric boss who would demand one via internal phone whenever he felt like it. Only problem was, I was a coffee virgin and thus, it afforded me the luxury of completely fucking it up. Every. Single. Time. He stopped asking me after a while.
But being a teenager with a rapidly expanding ass due to going from active high school girl, to stationary office minger in one month, made me want to fill the gaps in my always hungry tummy with something that wasn’t food. Hellloooo Nescafe. *gag*
My addiction seemed to ramp up after my first child. Every morning, I would take the two of us down to a coffee shop, usually the same one, and enjoy my first real coffee of the day. It wasn’t my first one of the day, mind, just my first real one, from a real machine. I swear to god it was my saviour in those first few months where my mind was mush and everything revolved around nappies, sleeplessness, milk and spew. It got me out. It got me speaking to other humans and it got me a little bit happy. So happy in fact, I would often go on a shopping frenzy for shit I didn’t need. Story of my life. Hey look at that, I’ve traced it back, I blame the evil brown bean for my shopping addiction. Damn you and your underhanded high.
My best friend resolutely avoided coffee until about 3 years ago. She went to a friends, for morning tea and for one reason or another, she accepted a coffee. Instantly hooked. Into the latte sachets quicker than you can change Federal Governments and sucking back the cappuccinos on a regular basis.
Same friend just brought a Nespresso Machine. You know the one. The one where George Clooney comes and licks your ear whilst presenting you with an awesome cup of coffee in bed with every machine purchased?* We got a chance to sample some in Myer. I was impressed. Didn’t think I would be, but was.
I also have two friends who don’t drink coffee. At all. One has agreed we need to meet for an alcoholic beverage should we ever be in the same state, the other drinks a truckload of V and probably has more heart palpitations than a fat kid at a cupcake party.
I do however, have little time for the pretentious wankers who turn up to a generic coffee shop and order a half caff, soy, extra hot, mini, non-fat chai tea latte. FUCK. OFF.
So, back to my original question – how much is too much. I have settled on a limit of 3 a day. 2 before I get to work, one when I get there. Sufficient stimulus to get me awake, functioning and get all four of us to kindy/School and work each day. That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.
How many do you do a day?
*May or may not be a bit of bullshit.