Saturday, July 10, 2010
CLIP CLOPPING THE MIDDLE FINGER
Three things I cannot cop: Bieber Fever, People driving in the bus lane and Cyclists taking over the road.
OK, I reckon my displeasure with Bieber Fever resonates with the majority. Unless you’re a 12 year old girl or Usher. From all accounts, he is an arrogant little helmet hair headed infiltrator who has taken over my daughters bedroom walls. Oh and he’s in deep shit once his voice cracks.
My hatred towards bus lane abuse runs deep. I think it may have started when I saw a certain ex crazy mobile phone shop owner gunning his ridiculously accessorised Porsche up a bus lane in Broadbeach. It was him. Because his name was on his numberplate. Although if his numberplate had said wanker, I still would have identified him. The thing is, these lanes are for buses, taxis or limos, not tossers who are too impatient to wait their turn in the other two lanes allocated to them. I make it my mission in life to straddle that lane if I spot one coming in the rear view mirror.
Another similar example is driving in a 2P (must have more than two or more people in the car) transit lane when there is only one of you. A certain high flying Gold Coast restaurant owner, who has his surname blatantly displayed on his personalised numberplate must, like Lindsay Lohan, think he is above the law and takes his Mercedes convertible the whole way up the 2P lane alone. Perhaps he could teach Jason Derulo a few things about riding solo. Is this arrogance or ignorance? Both? That's not to say the average bogan in his 1990 commodore isn't burning up the inside illegally also, it's just that I notice the ones who advertise themselves so prominently more.
OK, onto the third: Cyclists. My neighbour across the road, is a cyclist. He does triathlons and is super fit. And he’s a really top bloke. (G'day Nick) Plus, he’s just a really normal guy. Which surprised me because I had all cyclists lumped in the same category of “rude dickheads”. That will teach me to judge a book and all that.
So bear with me while I talk about my aversion to the ones that should most definitely be rounded up and dumped into that rude dickhead clique. You know the ones. They ride four abreast across a vehicle lane clearly ignoring the general traffic behind them. Imagine if my friend and I decided we wanted to have a little chat and drive footloose style in our cars, side by side, discussing the weather. Would anyone have a problem with that? You bet your sweet lycra ballbearing unitards they would.
Perhaps my disdain comes from hearing those special cyclists shoes come clip clopping across the fucking cobbled pavers every time I sit down and try to have a quiet coffee at my local cafe. Although I think it undoubtedly just comes back to the fact that when some of them ride, they are only one step short of giving everyone else on the road the finger and making what should be a relatively safe environment, dangerous.
I have no problem with people cycling and keeping fit. Go for it. In fact, put in an extra peddle for me. Just stay off the bit that is meant for cars. That way we can all get home safe.