Saturday, July 10, 2010

CLIP CLOPPING THE MIDDLE FINGER


Three things I cannot cop: Bieber Fever, People driving in the bus lane and Cyclists taking over the road.

 

OK, I reckon my displeasure with Bieber Fever resonates with the majority.  Unless you’re a 12 year old girl or Usher.  From all accounts, he is an arrogant little helmet hair headed infiltrator who has taken over my daughters bedroom walls.  Oh and he’s in deep shit once his voice cracks.

 

My hatred towards bus lane abuse runs deep.  I think it may have started when I saw a certain ex crazy mobile phone shop owner gunning his ridiculously accessorised  Porsche up a bus lane in Broadbeach.  It was him.  Because his name was on his numberplate.  Although if his numberplate had said wanker, I still would have identified him.  The thing is, these lanes are for buses, taxis or limos, not tossers who are too impatient to wait their turn in the other two lanes allocated to them.  I make it my mission in life to straddle that lane if I spot one coming in the rear view mirror.

 

Another similar example is driving in a 2P (must have more than two or more people in the car) transit lane when there is only one of you.   A certain high flying Gold Coast restaurant owner,  who has his surname blatantly displayed on his personalised numberplate must,  like Lindsay Lohan, think he is above the law and takes his Mercedes convertible the whole way up the 2P lane alone.  Perhaps he could teach Jason Derulo a few things about  riding solo.  Is this arrogance or ignorance?  Both?  That's not to say the average bogan in his 1990 commodore isn't burning up the inside illegally also, it's just that I notice the ones who advertise themselves so prominently more.

 

OK, onto the third: Cyclists.  My neighbour across the road, is a cyclist.  He does triathlons and is super fit.  And he’s a really top bloke.  (G'day Nick)  Plus, he’s just a really normal guy.  Which surprised me because I had all cyclists lumped in the same category of “rude dickheads”.  That will teach me to judge a book and all that. 

 

So bear with me while I talk about my aversion to the ones that should most definitely be rounded up and dumped into that rude dickhead clique.  You know the ones. They ride four abreast across a vehicle lane clearly ignoring the general traffic behind them.  Imagine if my friend and I decided we wanted to have a little chat and drive footloose style in our cars, side by side, discussing the weather.  Would anyone have a problem with that?  You bet your sweet lycra ballbearing unitards they would.

 

Perhaps my disdain comes from hearing those special cyclists shoes come clip clopping across the fucking cobbled pavers every time I sit down and try to have a quiet coffee at my local cafe.    Although I think it undoubtedly just comes back to the fact that when some of them ride, they are only one step short of giving everyone else on the road the finger and making what should be a relatively safe environment, dangerous. 

 

I have no problem with people cycling and keeping fit. Go for it. In fact, put in an extra peddle for me.  Just stay off the bit that is meant for cars.  That way we can all get home safe.

30 comments:

life in a pink fibro said...

Oh dear. Tour de France fever has clearly not hit your house. I'm all for cycling, European style - that is, getting on one's bike wearing whatever one happens to be wearing at the time, and throwing the shopping in one's flower adorned basket. Since when did all cyclists have to be Cadel Evans?

As for Bieber and the tossers, you know no-one's going to argue with you on those two points.

Jane said...

Agree, agree, agree.

Bieber is a girl in disguise.

Just because you drive a wanky souped-up car does not mean you can use the bus lane.

Cyclists should follow the frickin road rules! If you're going to ride through a red light, don't blame me if I hit you by accident!

Funnily enough, I'd also stereotyped cyclists as all being careless/selfish/whatever, but I've met a couple of lovely ones. I think they become a lot nicer when they're not cycling right in front of your car at 12km/hr...

Steph Auteri said...

I am so with you on the cyclers... and it's even worse in the city! Without a care in the world for traffic rules and regulations, they sail across intersections, cutting off both oncoming traffic and those pedestrians who are actually crossing the street because the "walk" sign says they can. At top speed, too. Once, I was actually run over by a cyclist. He passed so close behind me and at such high speed that his bike caught onto the belt of my jacket, I was pulled to the ground, and I was then dragged.

Hate them with a passion.

missea said...

Totally with you on all three. I drive really close to the gutter so that cyclists can't ride past me when I'm stuck at lights. They either go around me to my right or stay behind me. If I've had to get past you in peak hour traffic once, I'm not letting you get past me at lights so I have to go through it again...

If they want to take up our roads, they should pay registration like the rest of us.

In Real Life said...

I become terrified when I encounter cyclists while driving. I do not want to hit someone, but they really don't seem to hold their personal safety in the same regard that I do, cutting in and hogging the road, and getting in front of traffic. Then I have the cars behind me raging hysterically because I can't get past the cyclist and they blame me for holding them up!

Alex said...

As a woman who has had to relearn how to ride a bike over these school hols....BIKES are evil and their seats were invented by a man.

Seriously, such a stupid contraption.
And I have 3 days of holidays left.
(cries in corner)

Natacha said...

Oh yes! absolutely! to all 3. My DH is a cyclist, but he knows the rules of the road, he is not trying to get knocked over by a truck! As for Bieber, I am a lucky mommy, my son hates his music (music being the disputed word because I don't think he can sing to begin with...). I hate inconsiderate people of any kind... and there are too many of them around.

Wanderlust said...

We don't have a whole lot of cyclists in Kansas and the ones we do stick pretty close to the side of the road. Probably because they know they will be flattened like so much road kill if they try to ride 3-abreast and have a little chat about the price of milo. We brake for semis, freight trains and combines. That's about it.

Seraphim said...

Thank you for making it ok for me to not like cyclists. They terrify me. Mainly because I saw one in a serious accident when I was a little girl and ever since I have edged round them at all times to avoid watching one fly over my windscreen.
And Beiber?
Well I say baby, baby, baby
NOOOOOPOOOOO!

livinglifeasme said...

Firstly I didn't who Justin Bieber was a few months ago. Wishing I still didn't. Someone please mess up his hair and slap him for whining so much.

The main road from our suburb to the city has a T2 lane. It is abused constantly. The good thing is, the police monitor it regularly and they often get caught. I smile and wave as I drive by.

Cyclists - they scare me too. I always think I'm going to knock them off their bikes. What I hate the most is as you say Bern, riding 2, 3 or 4 abreast and taking up an entire lane. It is just not on.

Maxabella said...

Yep, you've hit on 2 of my top peeves. Can't stand the people who think they're so much better than everyone else they get to push in via the bus lane. And a cyclist doesn't even have to come near me to be annoying. Just viewing them in their colouful lycra is enough to induce vomiting.

I don't know how it happened but I've never laid eyes on the Bieber boy. I've heard his name, but never viewed him. Wrong demographic.

Motorbikes_Lady said...

I hate the motorcyclist's when it comes to traffic lights that don't want to wait in the lane they go between the two lanes of cars so they can hit the front & show off their speed to you.

I want to open my car door so much so they come of their motorcycle & say to them see that wouldn't have happened if you waited in the lane the right way.

Shelley said...

I live in Bayside Melb and just avoid driving on the weekends. I am literally scared of the cycling packs, so stick to the trusty pram!!

Zoey @ Good Goog said...

I have managed to get through my life so far without actually seeing Justin Bieber. I intend to keep it that way.

MultipleMum said...

This could be a bit controversial but I think I could be one of those bus lane people you are talking about. I have been known to be rather impatient on the road (screaming babies in the car tend to be the catalyst). In addition, I love the cyclists! I wish there were more of them. I wish the roads were more conducive to their presence, granted, but nothing beats a little lycra-clad butt bobbing up and down on a seat. Perve heaven for me! On the Bieber issue. I concur.

Taryn Rucci said...

Beiber is a wanker. We don't really have that 2P thing here but I feel for you. But with regards to cyclists they give me the shits. Especially when they ride with a group of them taking up the whole freaking lane. What pisses me off is when they don't have a helmet on! Obviously some of them are too good a cyclist to ACTUALLY PUT ONE ON AND POTENTIALLY SAVE THEIR LIFE!

The world is full of morons

So Now What? said...

Ooooh, bit controversial. I feel like I'm a bit world police with this post. Feel free to post things you can't cop.

By the by, I like bike riders, just not the inconsiderate ones :)

Kallie said...

Ummm I didn't know about bus lanes when we went to Qld last year so I drove in them until someone told me about them. Sorry Bern...

Beiber - Jess is 12 but doesn't like him. I think I'm raising her well :) She has taste & a sense of self instead of a pack mentality, following hte herd is not her style :)

Cyclist - there's some good, then there's those who deserve this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SInkO3jC9fg or worse :)

Anonymous said...

I was nodding in agreement until I came to "You bet your sweet lycra ballbearing unitards they would!" -that's when I started snorting tea out of my nose!

Stacey

brismod said...

Wow. You've touched a nerve. I love a good rant. I hear you about the inconsiderate cyclists and the 2P losers!

Jodie at Mummy Mayhem said...

Well, as you know, Hubby is cycling right now...as we tweet...in the French Alps, and watching the Tour de France with freshly shaved legs. Yes. But he would be the first to tell you that there are cyclists who don't ride safely on the roads (and thus, give the majority of cyclists a bad name). But he'll also tell you stories about drivers who don't watch where they're going, and have almost taken him out on more than one occasion. He's been riding bikes for over 25 years, so he knows how to stay in someone's vision (many of them don't), and he always assumes drivers aren't watching out for him. It's the cyclists who don't do it often enough who cause trouble.

As for Bieber - he doesn't bother me too much, in small doses, but if his face filled a wall or I had to listen to a whole CD of his music? Eeek! No thanks.

And people who drive in bus lanes? Bastards! Actually, I did that recently but DEFINITELY an accident on my part. It was over the harbour bridge and I got confused, and the 3yo was calling out....honest!

Anonymous said...

Let's just paraphrase your rant a little and see if you think it sounds intolerant.

"... OK, onto the third: Women bloggers. My neighbour across the road, is a blogger. She has kids and is involved in the community. And she’s a really top sheila. (G'day Nikii) Plus, she’s just a really normal mum. Which surprised me because I had all women bloggers lumped in the same category of “total bitches”. That will teach me to judge a book and all that.


So bear with me while I talk about my aversion to the ones that should most definitely be rounded up and dumped into that "total bitch" clique. You know the ones. They blog their uninformed prejudices, inciting intolerance regardless of the hurt they inflict on others. Imagine if my friend and I decided we wanted to have a little fun by naming and shaming the "total bitches" blogging in our town. Would anyone have a problem with that? You bet your sweet worn-out keyboards they would.


Perhaps my disdain comes from hearing those women's shoes come clip clopping across the fucking cobbled pavers every time I sit down and try to have a quiet coffee at my local cafe. Although I think it undoubtedly just comes back to the fact that when some of them walk, they are only one step short of giving everyone else around them the finger and making what should be a relatively safe environment, toxic."


I have no problem with blogging. Go for it. In fact, put in an extra paragraph for me. Just think about your toxic attitude and stay away from slamming groups of people just because you don't understand them or the laws and realities that apply to their activities.
Caught behind some riders on the road? Count the actual time till you can pass safely. When you realise that its ususally only 20 - 30 seconds of delay you'll see the aggro attitude is not worth it.
That way we really can all live safer happier lives.

Kristy said...

LOL! I love it. Bike F***ers! Ha, ha, ha. :)

So Now What? said...

Hey Anon, great reply. Must have taken ages. Looks like I have myself a troll. Awesome. Trolls (in the blogging world) are people who reply to blog posts (which, by the way, no one is forcing them to read) without leaving a name and generally in a distasteful manner.

Sorry if I have offended you Anon, wasn't my intention, next time though, let me know who you are, that way the debate is a little fairer.

Maxabella said...

Love those Anonymous types. Must be the carrot up their arses that makes them forget their own name?

LisaNReynolds said...

I loved Justin Beiber when he declared to the world that the word 'German' was not used in America. What an inspiration to kids everywhere.

Cars in bus lanes. Irritating. Cyclists noisy shoes on cobbled streets. Bloody annoying. What about the tossers who buy up all the deer shanks from the local supermarket? Selfish twats :)

Sherri said...

I didn't even know who he was until recently. (I am not a teenager and no longer have teenagers)
I kept hearing the name and finally googled it. and once I did, I couldn't see what All the fuss was about. He looks like a girl. lol
now following you.
thanks
Sherri

Jane said...

Ah that darn Anonymous person is back again! Agree with Maxabella-- too busy engaging in troll-like behaviour to remember who they are.

Hey Anonymous, have a sense of humor will ya?

Kerri said...

Oh, I hear ya! We live in a rural area, and our only road into town is a two lane, 80k zone which we often need to share with trucks. Imagine how fun that is on Saturday mornings, when hoards of cyclists decide to take a scenic tour through the country and into town, ALWAYS riding four or five abreast. Now, imagine having a fully-laden B-double belting down behind you, often around a blind corner, to find you slowed to 20k's behind some arrogant, rude bastards who think they own the road. As a side note, my hubby sometimes rides his bike to work, taking the same road as the 'other' cyclists. His outfit of choice is a daggy t-shirt, shorts, 'safety' thongs, and a cheap mountain bike. He also calls them wankers when they refuse to answer his 'good morning'. Ah, they joys of rural living!
Just found your blog, and want to thank you for the good laugh this morning - what a way to start the day! K

Annie from Gold Coast Australia said...

I haven't laughed so much in ages. What a great blog, I shall drop in some more.

You are so right about those personalised plate car drivers who think they are above the law! Love your approach, may have to adopt myself.

Previously, when I was single I had a favourite use in the car only word that cannot even be hinted at, because it is SOOOOO bad, so when i had the kids and they figured out my code we have a new word - TURKEY! All bad drivers or those breaking the law are Turkeys. Let's face it kids are such rule police, well my two girls are, so you can imagine how much Turkey gets talked in our car!!!

Keep up the writing and soon you won't need to moonlight with the eye diminishing bookingkeeping ;-)

Cheers
Annie from Gold Coast Australia