I feel like the world is conspiring against me at the moment. I cannot, for the life of me, get the time to sit down and write a blog.
Is this the Universe's way of telling me to STFU? Well I will not be silenced Universe, not even when you throw fire balls at me.
For the last 4 nights, I have been up until 12pm each night bookkeeping for a friend who owns a Specsavers. Believe me, the irony that my eyes are getting shitter because I am staring at tiny numbers on a computer screen, doing books for an optometrist, is not at all lost on me.
And when I began doing her books, her business was only starting up, the hours of my input minimal and I didn't blog.
Now, four years later, her business is a national chain, it takes about 15 hours to input and I enjoy writing WAAAAYY more. That said, suck it up Bern and think about the unpaid bills folder.
So, the fireballs you ask. Slight exaggeration, but it does sound exciting no?
Well funny story. Not funny ha ha, but funny, in a "that is truly shithouse" kind of way.
Maddison had her first "boy" party today. The ratio in fact was 10 boys to 2 girls. Scary odds at any age. Luckily it was all very innocent and at a bowling alley with his parents in attendance. Maddie's best friends Mum offered to take her her home with them after it finished, so I didn't have to rush back, with the option to pick her up anytime tonight. No problem. What could go wrong. Fireballs. That's what could go wrong.
I set off to get her and driving up the hill to their house I was thinking, Jesus, the fog is thick up here. (I truly am a brain surgeon) As I drove over the top of the peak I saw the flashing lights of multiple emergency vehicles. And my gut just dropped. I don't know why, but my immediate thought was, holy shit, there's a siege. Hmmm, perhaps I'm watching a little too much police based TV.
Then I noticed the flames. Even then I only stopped the car because the firetruck had blocked the road. I parked and walked up the hill to Maddies friends house, 5 letterboxes away. They were oblivious to what was happening down the road, but the drama proved too enticing and they all walked back down to the action.
Oh did I mention I had bought Jack, the three year old with me for the drive. No? Because of course in my grand plan of picking up Mad, I also thought he may drop off to sleep on the drive.
Anyway, all 4 kids became virtual CSI experts on the spot. "Oh, it would have been laser light spinner they have on the wall. If heat hits it, it explodes" said one. "No, I think it was the TV, the new ones just blow up for no good reason". Really.
All I knew was that the house was on-fucking-fire. Big time. I've never seen fire that close, well apart from like a camp fire. The difference being, you could roast the whole pascall factory on this one. Embers were flying everywhere, explosions were going off and you know where 100 on-lookers were standing? Right in front of it all. Like virtual moths to a flame. Except instead of moths, we were all just dim-witted sticky beaks.
Luckily no one was home. The dog was rescued and at this stage, the same kid who reckons there was dodgy laser light spinner on the wall (I call bullshit on that btw) also reckoned there was a kitten in there as well. I hope not.
So even though it was lovely standing around listening to the majority of neighbours chewing on conspiracy theories about insurance jobs (the house was for sale), I just wanted to get the hell home. Unfortunately, in very stern words though, I was told by one very hot looking fireman (is it a prerequisite that you must be better looking than George Clooney to get a job as a Fireman?) that my car was a no go zone. So we just had to wait it out.
So, long story very long, we got home, just 3 hours later than I had first planned. George Clooney Number 2 snuck us through the makeshift operation centre and waved us off. Jack, fell asleep and Maddie analysed every single moment of the night, over and over and over again.
So Universe, we do have another party to go to tomorrow and would appreciate if you could redirect any natural disasters or apocalyptic style events for at least one day. Right now though I smell like a pack of Winnie Blues, so am off to have a shower.