Phil and I have been together 16 years in March. Sixteen years. We’ve been married for nearly 12 of those years.I have curious younger friends who question when I knew he was the one. I reckon it was from day dot. Not kidding, it just was. Well, actually, no I romanticise the situation, it was from probably the 4th or 5th time I met him. The first three times he was a complete arsehole.
So I guess the playground rules still exist. You know - the one that picks on you the most just really wants to be your boyfriend. That or he truly is an arsehole.
From then on in, and after one particular night of excessive alcohol consumption and inappropriate groping, we were an item. Rarely spent a night apart since and haven’t really wanted to.
|Back in the early days.|
But the honeymoon period only lasts so long. There has to be reasons why you stay interested. I’ve compiled a little list of things to watch out for, so you know he’s a keeper....
He is always more than obliging when you call him on his way home and say, no honey, we don’t need any milk, but could you please buy me some Super Jumbo tampons? And then he buys them entirely on their own, getting the brand and size correct, and even manages to makes eye contact with the checkout chick when purchasing.
He, albeit reluctantly, trots off to the chemist and requests out aloud, in front of all the eavesdropping waiting oldies, for some “cream for scabies”. Even when the wide eyed salesgirl pretends not hear him and makes him SPELL OUT the affliction, he doesn’t run. And to his credit, he doesn’t even appear to notice the looks of disgust that are being daggered his way from the clearly repulsed chemist staff. There’s nothing good about scabies. Or so I’ve heard. *cough*
He will keep the kids entertained when you have a hangover. Even if he had an equally large night, he will be able to function and most importantly, make sure your children, are fed, bathed and don’t escape onto the road. I got to test this out on Fathers Day last year. Yes. I am well aware of how much of a truly shit wife that makes me.
He will wrestle with his children on the floor until he makes one of them cry and possibly need medical attention in his attempt to win WWF night. Although I don’t recommend this, a recent study has shown, these are the kids that are going grow up to be smart and social. It’s his version of homeschooling.
He will not tell you how to drive and/or park your car. Oh wait, nope, he does this, Retraction.
He will not sympathy vomit when your child does. Even though said child may appear to be doing their best imitation of Linda Blair and roundhouse spewing bright green chunks, he will solider on, taking control of the situation and cleaning it up so you can get down to dry heaving yourself and comforting the child.
He accepts that even though you have given birth to the children, they are equally his and as such, must partake in such activities as making dinner, preparing lunches and showering them. Oh, and reading them The Very Hungry fucking Caterpillar again and again and again and...
He will sit through a very bad rom-com even though you will rarely sit through one of his movies that more than likely involves The Rock, explosives and swear words even I refuse to write.
And last but not least, he will ask you for a cuppa if he is getting up to get himself one. I have been known to wait him out for hours for this, knowing full well he will crack before I do.
|Jack and Phil discussing the finer points of UFC and not wearing shirts.|
Of course, they are my observations and don't get me wrong, we are far from perfect. Perhaps there are things your partner still does. After all these years. That make you appreciate them and remember why you fell in love in the first place. Feel free to share them below.