Thursday, January 20, 2011


Phil and I have been together 16 years in March.  Sixteen years.  We’ve been married for nearly 12 of those years. 

I have curious younger friends who question when I knew he was the one.   I reckon it was from day dot.  Not kidding, it just was.  Well, actually, no I romanticise the situation, it was from probably the 4th or 5th time I met him.  The first three times he was a complete arsehole.

So I guess the playground rules still exist.  You know - the one that picks on you the most just really wants to be your boyfriend.  That or he truly is an arsehole.

From  then on in, and after one particular night of excessive alcohol consumption and inappropriate groping, we were an item.  Rarely spent a night apart since and haven’t really wanted to.


Back in the early days.

But the honeymoon period only lasts so long.  There has to be reasons why you stay interested.  I’ve compiled a little list of things to watch out for, so you know he’s a keeper....

He is always more than obliging when you call him on his way home and say, no honey, we don’t need any milk, but could you please buy me some Super Jumbo tampons?  And then he buys them entirely on their own, getting the brand and size correct, and even manages to makes eye contact with the checkout chick when purchasing.

He, albeit reluctantly, trots off to the chemist and requests out aloud, in front of all the eavesdropping waiting oldies,  for some “cream for scabies”.    Even when the wide eyed salesgirl pretends not hear him and makes him SPELL OUT the affliction, he doesn’t run.   And to his credit, he doesn’t even appear to notice the looks of disgust that are being daggered his way from the clearly repulsed chemist staff.  There’s nothing good about scabies.  Or so I’ve heard. *cough*

He will keep the kids entertained when you have a hangover.  Even if he had an equally large night, he will be able to function and most importantly, make sure your children, are fed, bathed and don’t escape onto the road.  I got to test  this out on Fathers Day last year.  Yes.  I am well aware of how much of a truly shit wife that makes me.


He will wrestle with his children on the floor until he makes one of them cry and possibly need medical attention in his attempt to win WWF night.  Although I don’t recommend this, a recent study has shown, these are the kids that are going grow up to be smart and social.  It’s his version of homeschooling.

He will not tell you how to drive and/or park your car.  Oh wait, nope, he does this, Retraction.

He will not sympathy vomit when your child does.  Even though said child may appear to be doing their best imitation of Linda Blair and roundhouse spewing bright green chunks, he will solider on, taking control of the situation and cleaning it up so you can get down to dry heaving yourself and comforting the child.

He accepts that even though you have given birth to the children, they are equally his and as such, must partake in such activities as making dinner, preparing lunches and showering them.   Oh, and reading them The Very Hungry fucking Caterpillar again and again and again and...

He will sit through a very bad rom-com even though you will rarely sit through one of his movies that more than likely involves The Rock, explosives and swear words even I refuse to write.

And last but not least, he will ask you for a cuppa if he is getting up to get himself one.  I have been known to wait him out for hours for this, knowing full well he will crack before I do.


Jack and Phil discussing the finer points of UFC and not wearing shirts.

Of course, they are my observations and don't get me wrong, we are far from perfect. Perhaps there are things your partner still does. After all these years. That make you appreciate them and remember why you fell in love in the first place.  Feel free to share them below.


Smudgeblurr said...

Hey Bern,
This could be the start of a new list... things to look for in a new partner...
Great post!

Life In A Pink Fibro said...

I wrote a fabulous comment - and then it got lost. So now all I'm going to say is this: David Caruso? WTF?

A Daft Scots Lass said...

Awww its all about being kind to one another but as for inappropriate groping when you met, shouldn't that be appropriate groping?

Inappropriate would've been in you thought he was an arsehole but boned him anyway...

littlemissairgap said...

I think you've just written a post about my Hubby & I ... just add a few extra years for us. We were also married in March.

Lucy said...

I♥Bern and I♥Phil too - 'specially that early days snap.

Comment about Andrew's finer points? Ummmm. Might have to do up a post of my own....he has a nice arse. Will that do?

4 kids, 20 suitcases and a beagle said...

I love it Bern, for a moment I thought Phil was the guy from Neighbours all those years ago, remember the one with the blonde wavy bob? Anyway, I digress.

Things that G still does. When everyone is talking about how gorgeous the woman across the room is he'll invariably say "she's a bit bloody skinny, looks like she needs a good feed". He gets me a coffee every morning. He gives me a kiss every time he comes home. He cooks at every dinner party, He knows how to walk up a hill with one child on his shoulders, one hanging off his leg and another strapped to his front...(I've usually got the other one.....just to make it look like I'm helping).

As usual, great post. I love how you write from the heart.


In Real Life said...

So sweet! I love this post! It reminds me a lot of my husband and I. We've been together 16 years too, and have a similar getting together story!

Happy Anniversary! :)

Jeanette said...

Hear Hear Bern, well written! The hubs, this morning, brought me a coffee while I was laying about trying to figure out which way was up! Now if I could just get him to start the car for me before I have to go to work, I could add that to the list too!
Yeah for hubbies & the things they do for us! I'm married 8 yrs. this June!

Wanderlust said...

Aw, sweetness! You've got a keeper.

Maxabella said...

Beautiful, Bern, just beautiful. The cat picture, I mean. (Really, what is it about random cat pictures and sentimental statements? The world is drowning in them. DROWNING I tell you!)

Phil is a good man. You're a good woman. I think that's the secret to a happy marriage. Don't marry a selfish arse and you might have a chance.

I love the way you work together as a team. LOML and I are exactly the same.

For embarrassing moments handled with aplomb, I refer you to the sight of LOML in a farmacia in Roma awkwardly trying to request a little cream for thrush. The hand gestures alone made me realise he was a keeper!! x

cjtato said...

When your husband realises after ten years of marriage that you are not going to give him a massage, probably ever and he still offers you one most nights anyway (of course, let it be said, there's always the hope it will lead to something else. Bloody ulterior motives).

Love your "early days" photo.

LOL @ Maxabella's last paragraph! Certainly a keeper!

MaidInAustralia said...

Oh gorgeous. You two are a lovely couple. xo

Megan Blandford said...

Gorgeous post!

ijogthereforeiblog said...

My boyfriend has a theory: "It doesn't matter how good the gravy is, if the meat is bad." I THINK, I am the meat. And he is also the meat. And the gravy is our relationship. I think he means that you have to sort your own stuff out before you can be really happy with someone else. And that someone else needs to have sorted their stuff too. Then you get to enjoy the gravy, even if it is sometimes lumpy. Yep.

Katy said...

That is a very cool list...thank god it's not just us that do the 'mexican stand off' for the cup of tea :)

Ms Styling You said...

Last night my husband came home with a giant tea cup from T2, all gift wrapped. I freaked out because we'd spent a gazillion $ on school shoes, books and uniforms this week. And he said, I haven't bought you something in a while that's just because ...

Rick M said...

Sob. This is lovely.

bigwords is... said...

You have a good man Bern. And your kids, a wonderful father. I too have one of those - an amazing husband, friend and top notch Dad. Love this post. x

Susan @ Reading Upside Down said...

An excellent list. Love the Mexican stand off with the cup of tea. We have a similar contest with who will replace the 'empty' tube of toothpaste.

Denyse Whelan said...

You put "it" in such wonderful words, Bern <3
When the lust is meshed into the love & best friend relationship it
is the "right person at the right time".
My view, without IRL meeting either of you, is that you are
forever and ever people..Phil & Bern, Bern & Phil..and your
love is evidenced by 3 entirely lovable but all different kids
in M, S and J.
I'd like to say just how heartening for me to read of your true love ..
From me, D married to B for 40 yrs on Sun,to you, B xxxx

Dovic said...

Oh I love this. And I want myself one of those Phils. Oh wait. Maybe I have one? Must go double check. Thanks for the inspiration (which may come in the form of copy and paste to said hub ;-)).

Is truly a lovely post xx

showandtellideas said...

(Trish@Show and Tell)

I've been married 25 years in October (childhood we aren't that old yet!!!).

My husband does many of the things you talk about. The problem is, he needs instructions. Very...specific...instructions.


Katrina Chambers said...

I love his hair Bern hahaha! Cute story. I've been with mine 11 years. Started out in a similar way as yours. Although we were living together as flat mates who didn't know each other for 6 months, then too much alcohol and the rest is history!

Motherkitty said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Zoey @ Good Goog said...

Now that's a love letter that I can actually love.

River said...

I love this post.
The love shines through every line.
Sadly, my Mr. Right seems to have gotten lost on his way to me.

Faybian said...

We've been together nearly 19 years, married for 14 years (11th Jan). We've certainly had our share of dramas, but he still makes me a cup of tea without being asked every day, has helped raise my older 2 kids as well as the 2 we share. I think both of us need each other to get by now.

Jodie at Mummy Mayhem said...

Oh, hello...LOVIN' the long hair, Phil!

Was a gorgeous couple. A very true post. Another sign of a good Hubby - he will defend you to his family should that be required. Just sayin.

Love the links ref too. :) xxx

kzz1 said...

My hubby is shit. He doesn't do any of above. He did however buy me an iPad for my birthday completely his own idea. So all is forgiven. Oh and he did hold my hair and wash my bucket for 6 weeks of severe morning sickness without even so much as pulling a spew face once. Guess it takes a very special bloke to pull that off!

Veggie Mama said...

you guys are seriously cute...

Anonymous said...

this was encouraging.. of late i've been questioning if hubby was stil in love with me.. i know he loves me but theres a level of "ho hum" and it appeared he talks more to a friend of his at work (woman) than to me. we do live very separate lives sometimes with both working. i raised it and tried to work through it but he dosn't talk well he in fact shuts down - i started really looking for "signs" then told him outright that i wasn't really seeing that many.. but alot of what you said he does for me - sometimes when you are looking for signs you have to look for the positive ones - not just the negative ones. although i reached that realisation before reading your blog thanks for the reminder/ confirmation that things here are normal

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