We’ve all been there. For some godforsaken reason we’ve been awake at 2am and gotten sucked into an Infomercial. You might have been up feeding a baby, which was my personal introduction to late night television shopping, or perhaps you’ve just come home from a massive night out on the booze and thought, oh fuck yeah, I needs me one of those ladders that bends 357 different ways. Maybe, just maybe, you don’t even have the late night lobotomy excuse. Perhaps, like my husband, you only needed to walk past the television once during Kerri-Anne on a rained out Wednesday and BAM, your household suddenly has a Tower 200 in its possession.
Have you heard of the Tower 200? Body by Jake? Got a door, then you’ve got a Gym? Is this ringing any bells at all? No? Well, let me explain. I’ve been on a little bit of a fitness kick. I’ve lost maybe 10kgs in the last 3 months. I’ve done this through a combination of three things. Firstly, I got a spectacular kindy induced virus from the four year old. Being literally knocked out for 24 hours, not being able to keep anything down and then not being able to eat for a week, left me a dress size down. Bingo. Secondly, I stopped eating anything that was fried. That was my rule. Because, prior to that, I would eat junk for breakfast, lunch and dinner and then proceed to sit on my ever expanding arse for about 8 hours straight. Thirdly, I’ve started running. Nearly every day. And this, really, was more so I could escape the mayhem for 30 solid minutes listening to some quality music, but now I actually can say I enjoy it. I’m guessing it will work even better when I stop having a beer before I set out.
So, Phil, although appreciative that we can now share the same two seater couch, is starting to feel like he needs to get moving also. Hence, the Tower 200. Basically this thing is just a pulley resistance system, with some hyperactive dude showing you how to use it on a DVD. Please note, this just arrived on our door one day. Seems Phil struggles to find the toilet paper in Coles, but has no problem finding his way around the Danoz Direct store.
|This is Phil. Or it might not be. Yet.|
I give it three weeks. Tops. Then, like all of our brilliant purchases that have come before the Tower 200, it will get shoved, firstly, under the study bench. Then under our bed. After that, into the shed. And then, one day, I imagine like he has in the past, David Copperfield will magically swoop in and it will disappear forever. That or we’ll just turf it at the tip.
I have precedents to base this on. The magic bullet. Jesus this seemed like a good idea at the time. I had a child who would eat nothing. Suddenly there was this dead easy machine that would only take up the space of a coffee cup on my kitchen bench top and then magically whisk concoctions into fool proof vegetable purees. Bullshit. It came with a about a thousand pieces, none of which made any sense. It lived happily and basically virginal, under the sink until early this year when I needed some cupboard space. Some poor sucker at Lifeline just had their day made.
|Apparently there was some confusion. This is NOT the Magic Bullet I had. Ahem|
Oh and of course, there was the Snuggie. Yep. I was one of those who ended up wearing one of these blankets with sleeves. Admittedly I wasn’t the one who purchased them, they were gifts, but they clearly had Bernadette Morley all over them, hence me being the recipient of such classy gifts. And hey, here on the Gold Coast, it really doesn’t get all that cold so as tempting as it was to move around the house in my leopard print slanket, it never really got a good go.
|What's not the love? It's a blanket with sleeves.|
There have been vacuum bags. There’s been the Ab Roller and my favourite that was purchased by my mother, the electronic bug repellent. Plug it in and “apparently” it emits a noise that only bugs can hear. Or suckers. Granted, rarely did I see a Rhinoceros beetle at mums, but there was never any shortage of mosquitoes. I call bullshit on the Bug Repeller.
Through their almost Chinese Water Torture style of advertising, Proactive nearly had me convinced I needed some although I’d barely had a zit in 20 years. Thin Lizzy, or Thun Luzzy also had me grabbing the phone. But then, luckily I got a grip.
So what about you? Have you succumbed to a product you just never knew you needed until they threw in a free set of steak knives? Has it been a success of ultimate fail?