I do wonder what my children missed out on. You know, not being pushed around in a pram that cost more than my first car. I mean, seriously, is the latest in parenting pissing contests or was this always going on and I just didn't realise?
This pram, the one above, is $1599.99. I mean, thank Christ! Imagine if it was $1600.00. Wait.
And the one I saw today in the shop was the last one – floor stock. One that has no doubt been test-driven around the shop a thousand times, rammed into stationary mannequins and probably, more than likely, had a toddler’s filthy fingers smearing it's (now invisible due to petrifaction) snot into the undercarriage.
My question to you though is, do you get more from say, the two thousand dollar pram, than the ones I always seem to purchae that were around the Two hundred dollar mark? Did I roughly receive 10% of the product as a result? I have to know, does this hideously expensive contraption
- Wake up in the middle of the night, flop out a mechanical breast and feed the baby?
- Automatically steer into bunched up teenagers who look suspiciously like they are up to no good?
- Deal with the annoying, yet well meaning advice from every person who has EVER had a baby before you?
- Cure cracked nipples?
- Awkwardly launch itself at people who walk 4 abreast in shopping centres.
- Through direct mind power, Grind 100% pure Arabica beans and produce a world class flat white into your cup holder
- Magically fold and unfold with a remote control?
- Hover into the back of the car and ALWAYS fit. Even if you own a smart car.
- Keep the child endlessly entertained while imprisoned inside it. The details of how are not important, as long as they don’t whinge.
If the Pram could perform even one of the tasks above, I’d buy it. Unnecessary debt be damned. But something tells me the people buying these aren’t exactly worried about cash. Ultimately though, from where I stand, basically a pram gets vomited in, shat on a thousand different ways to Sunday and ends up as a feral vessel of unidentifiable smells. And it would break my heart to know I could have put that money towards something useful. Like their therapy when they realise the root of all their problems stem from the fact that they were pushed around in the pram equivalent of a Hyundai Excel and not an Audi.
But each to their own. I’m probably just jealous. Oh and probably won’t be asked to do a sponsored post on expensivo prams anytime soon either. Foot, meet your gun wielder.
So how about you? Are there features I just don’t understand? Are they just a modern status symbol?