Tuesday, March 13, 2012


Okay, I am a born and bred Queenslander and I have this to say: Bob Katter. What a mad bastard.

Sure, this is stating the obvious, but out there, are people who agree with him. And agree that same sex marriage is wrong. And should never be allowed. And now, Mr Katter, through his tv advertising campaign, has made it abundantly clear that his party, the “Australia Party” is against any person of the same sex, marrying.


Here’s what I want to hear. I want to hear from someone opposed to  Same Sex marriage, why you care. I want you to tell me why, if Beryl and Betty from number 102 decide they want to write some hideously corny vows, drop a truckload of cash on an overpriced function room and dance the funky chicken, what you think will ACTUALLY happen? Rapture? Armageddon?  End of the world as we know it?

More importantly, I want to know how you think this will actually impact your day to day life. Like how, when grabbing your daily coffee from your local coffee shop, if Gary and Dave from work hire a a stretch Hummer, invite 135 of their closest friends and family and declare their undying love for each other in front of a marriage celebrant and then set off some fuck-off fireworks to round out their night, how your daily coffee would taste any different.
So I Googled. Unrelated: I wish I had had Google in Year 12. I would have blitzed that shit.

Behold: Per searches through the Internet I present you: The top 7 reasons why people who are the same sex, should NOT get married. You will note the responses in red are SARCASTIC.  And until they devise a suitable sarcasm font, I will provide you this in red.

01) Being gay is not natural. Because real Australians always reject unnatural things like spectacles, polyester, and air conditioning.

02) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay. Just in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.

03) Legalising gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behaviour. I bet  People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.

04) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage is allowed; the sanctity of marriages like Britney Spears’ 55-hour marriage would be destroyed.

05) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn’t be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren’t full yet, and the world needs more children.

06) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.

07) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That’s why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.

You know, I watched ‘The Help’ the other night and although this was highly Hollywoodised (shutup, that is totally a word), it had quite the message. Being that once upon a time, it was acceptable to ostracise black people and treat them as less. I’m not sure how or why exactly it became ‘not okay’ to do this. I guess it was just a slow burning menace that eventually erupted.

What I do know is that just like I was quite disgusted in the way we have treated situations in our past (the stolen generation as an example), our children, my children and theirs, will be appalled and baffled why same sex marriage was even an issue. Equally baffling, why Kyle Sandliands was constantly rewarded for being such a complete dickhead.

I think perhaps it starts with us. Telling our children it is perfectly natural to be attracted to and love who they love, regardless of their sex. Because at the end of the day, it’s all about being happy, and we are happiest when we can be with the ones with love. Pretty Simple really.

So shut the fuck up Bob Katter. You ignorant arsehole.


Annieb25 said...

Bern I love you. Bob Katter what do you think of that?? Huh??

purple_cath said...

Ah there she is! Love your work. Brilliant post. I have nothing to add as you have said it all so eloquently. Although I do need a sarcasm font! Seriously though enough already. This is not even a debate. Lets just do this! Love you. Will you marry me ;-) XX

Mrs Catch said...

Amen Ms Morley. As a fellow Queenslander. I strongly concur. BK has bats in his belfry, to be sure.

Mum on the Run said...

You could totally have his job (and wife) - if you were dumber and a far way further up your own...
Great post.
:-) x

Wanderlust said...

I love you! x

4 kids, 20 suitcases and a beagle said...

And THIS is why I told you today I was missing your blog. Well done Bern. Well said. And Hollywoodised should totally be a word. Kx

Diminishing Lucy said...

You are wonderful, Bern.

Olivia just read all this and says "Mummy, your friend writes a lot of swear words". And then she said - "I still don't understand why gay people can't just get married."

From the mouths of babes...


Kylie L said...

Yep, bloody brilliant. What the world needs now is Bern, more Bern.

Caro Webster said...

Spot on Bern. The bloke is certifiable. x

~~Kallie~~ said...

Most of the time people fear what they don't understand or what they see reflected within themselves that they haven't been able to come to terms with. So is he an ignorant Asshat or a closet gay?

Smudgeblurr said...

Fantastic post Bern! yes you have been missed!! as a fellow qlder I totally agree!! love your work!!

Madmother said...

But up here our choice is severely limited.

We have Anna Bligh, who not only is in my opinion one of the dumbest women in politics she is also the one who took more and more funds out of the special needs budget when she was education minister. Every pay rise, refunding, change she made was sliced from those she thought were not worth worrying about. Hell, they'll probably never even vote, right?

Then Campbell Newman, who probably won't win his electorate so won't lead anyway, but is also someone I have met under social circumastances. Let's just say it will be a cold day in hell before I vote for him.

And so, what do we do? The local member we like best is sadly under Bob Katter. And independants, well, in this electorate they are rather slim pickings.

And talking to all my merry men and women up here, everyone has the same conundrum. Who? Who? Who?

Tis quite discombobulating...

MsDovic said...

Onya Berns! You seriously rock. Love, love, LOVE.

And I am so going to find myself some tall peoople to go hang out with :)

SawHole said...

Bob you are an asshat.

nicky said...

Brilliant...yet another masterpiece from you, Bern.

N x

Twitchy said...

Great to see you back Bern, wholeheartedly agree with the lot.

Perhaps the invisible No. 8 would be: Conservative White Men are used to making all the (good and seriously screwed up) decisions for everyone else. As the wheels slowly fall off that tradition, so they're just squeaking a bit louder. STFU indeed.

traceyb65 said...

06) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.

my favourite!

and like you, i hope i am alive long enough* to be asked, Granma, what was all the fuss about gay marriage?


*actually, i hope i won't be too old at all …

Wendles78 said...

Fuckin ey! (stands up and pumps fist in air)
I've totally had a gut full of that kook and his weird shit!
What a load of absolute bollocks. Should have his big mouth taped shut. That is all.



Jackie said...

Ther is an 8. there I have heard....apparently if gays people are allowed to marry they will be hammering on the door of Catholic churches demanding to be wed.

Imagine the Anarchy!

I believe we need to take a step back however...we need to make it OK to be gay first as there are still way too many people hiding in the closest and far too many young people killing themselves because their parents don't understand.


You have started it...me too :) let's all educate everyone's right to be themselves.

Littlemissairgap said...

LOVE point 4 re Brittney Spears. Such an upholder of moral values ;-) You make me smile, Bern!

Anonymous said...

Bern, you rock!!
Love you heaps
Zoe xx
PS I wonder if Bob Katter lets gay people use his toilet xx

FruitCake said...

"It's very dear to me, the issue of gay marriage - or as I like to call it: Marriage - you know, because I had lunch this afternoon, not gay lunch. I parked my car, I din't gay park it." [said Liz Feldman]

Great sense of humour, great values, great post, great blog, Thanks!

Listen Toots said...

Not long ago Gay meant Happy. Perhaps that's it in a nutshell. Some people just can't stand other people being happy.Love your reference to racism and yes apparently that too was bible based. I'm a christian but i really struggle with this. Maybe we are just being sidetracked and getting all frenzied over this;while other agendas are being chased. The old left hand not knowing what the right hand is doing. I have a simple code as a christian, its our core directive. Love God; Love each other as we love ourselves and leave the judging to God... Be happy everyone and thanks Bern for your wise words.

Anonymous said...

hear hear! well said

Yvonne Kirk said...

Well written and well done. And Katter can GO fuck himself.

Maxabella said...

It just amazes me that someone married Bob Katter. x

Sam Ryan said...

most ridiculous debate ever. one logical reason. just one. the same people would have opposed giving women the vote, abolishing slavery, etc, etc. They make it tough, but we'll get past them eventually.

Maid In Australia said...

One of the best arguments I have read on the subject. Love your work Bern. As always. x

Dee said...

Brillant, brillant blog post.
Now if you can just become prime minister and sort this out, that would be great !
I really do look forward to the day when gay marriage isn't an issue, becuase there are so many issues that come with it. Equal rights across the board.
Thanks again for this great post.

Modern Mummy Mayhem said...

First time I have found your blog..and I love! That mad bastard almost got his washed up cricketer representative elected in my redneck electorate!! Luckily it seems that we have a few more brain cells living out here since the days we belonged to Pauline Hanson.

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